Erica

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April 15, 2023
Colorado

I am almost 21. My story doesn’t look exactly like I planned – but no one’s does. Currently, I am living at home, surviving on iv fluids and vitamins 3x a week, needing invasive procedures to help my body work the way many people take for granted. I could talk about before – growing up in a happy family, loving soccer, being an A+ student, getting a full ride scholarship, struggling with severe mental health issues. But I want to talk about now. Because now is where I am. Where I find my significant moments. My world has shrunk over the last 2 1/2 years. At first I lost school. Then work and driving. Eventually my most basic functions – walking, thinking, speaking – were at times pulled from my grasp. I spend a lot of time exhausted, at home or appointments. My story is in discovering how to find joy in these moments. I love the book Tuesdays with Morrie where he says that it is by serving others that he truly lives. My story isn’t in my lost abilities – it is in the discovered. I have found joy in putting up encouraging sticky notes on hospital walls. In telling my nurses jokes, sharing my hopeful belief in Christ with another patient, or listening and empathizing on the phone with a friend. I have found beauty in the sunshine and the kindness of my brothers. When too weak to get up, I listen to music and find comfort. Do I struggle? Absolutely. But my story is that you can simultaneously hold grief and hope, pain and love, sadness and joy. My story is that the smallest ways to serve make your life fuller. My story is that we can go through things we never thought possible. My story is that life is hard – and life is so beautiful.